i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
