saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
