I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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