Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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