Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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