put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
