respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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