Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
