ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
