Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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