I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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