You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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