Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
