my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
