We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
