so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
