so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
