you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize