he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
