i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
