do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
They have beer where we have blood.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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