Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
