Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
