I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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