id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
