Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
