I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I wish there were birth control emojis
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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