I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
