I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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