I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
