apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
