maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
