Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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