So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
