coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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