Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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