Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I puked a lego.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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