yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
