i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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