Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
false alarm. still invincible.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
