I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize