he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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