capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
