summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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