I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He passed out mid-signature
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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