Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
