so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
