Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
