I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
