I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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