He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
