i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
