I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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