It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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