apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
