She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
