If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
