Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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