Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
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The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
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My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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