drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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