If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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