what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
