So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
