I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
