I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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