You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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