Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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