i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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