so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize