I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize