DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Everything about him screamed your future.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
