So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
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Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
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On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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