where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
