i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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