Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
