WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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