Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Will exercising make me less horny?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
